


I will never leave you alone

by luv_u_4eva_418



Series: Brian&Justin lyrics [1]
Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 04:16:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2053236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luv_u_4eva_418/pseuds/luv_u_4eva_418
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was always told it would never happen, and he always listened...but this time everyone one was wrong</p>
            </blockquote>





	I will never leave you alone

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you Taylor Swift for your inspiration :)

He always heard that in his mind when he slipped off into those deep recesses that no one could reach…well, one person could but even now he was so sure that he would never come back for him.

 

So lost in his drug induced haze he knew that the other man would never come back for him…not now…not after so long…not after what had been said and done.

 

Not after those he thought of as friends had once again turned their backs on him and lied to get their way. Not after he believed them, even when the grins on their faces were so wide they could be seen from space.

 

Hearing that you will never be alone and knowing it are two very different things.

 

He had heard it so many times from so many different people.

 

His mom had told him that no matter what she would always be there for him. She would protect him when he needed it, but at the first sign of trouble she kicked him out. When everything happened he thought that he could turn to her, but was once again staring at her back and wondering what he had done that was so terrible.

 

His best friend wasn’t there to help him stand on his own either. She had long since gone away from the city that had taken so much from them, and hadn’t looked back. He knew that she needed to grow up, but never thought it would happen without him.

 

Then, there was the one person in the world that was supposed to be there, but he wasn’t. It had taken him so long to actually admit he cared more for him than anyone else, but that didn’t seem to matter either. The love they shared just wasn’t enough to keep them together.

 

*~*~*~*

 

To know that they were lying about him hurt more than anything that he had gone through. He thought they cared about him enough not to do that shit to him, but obviously he was wrong.

 

He had been wrong about so many things; each one by itself wasn’t bad but they started to pile up and before long he had lost the strength to fight back…to protect himself. Because he was proved right once again; no one cared about the truth.

 

The calls started to slow down.

 

The texts were next.

 

The persistent invites home dwindled down to nothing.

 

The emails stopped.

 

It all happened slowly over time, and then one day he stopped and realized he hadn’t heard from any of his ‘friends’ in almost three weeks and it had been at least a week since he had heard from his mom and boyfriend.

 

He started calling and texting, needing to make sure nothing had happened, but he got nothing. Not one person answered him. Not one person who loved him, or so he thought, not one of them would talk to him.

 

And he didn’t know why.

 

*~*~*~*

 

It had gotten so hard being in a new city by himself. He had to learn everything about his new surroundings without any help from anyone. The city and its people were so unforgiving and for the first month he wanted to go back home every single minute of the day…but he held on and made his own path.

 

He had needed his friends; they had told him that they would be there for him. They had promised that he could call them or text of email and they would respond.

 

They had promised.

 

But, like everything else in his life he should have known that they had lied to him.

 

They had told him what he wanted to hear, just so they could get rid of him. He had played right into their hands and did exactly what they had wanted.

 

And now, he was away from everything he knew without any way to go back.

 

But did he even want to? After all, there was no one there for him. No one for him to run to. No one to hold him up now, even when he felt so weak and so very small.

 

*~*~*~*

 

He had known that falling in love was going to hurt, because it had always done so in the past…but never thought it would strike him down this much. He had this childish dream that his love would always be there for him; to protect him and stand tall for him.

 

But of course, he was destined to be alone.

 

The person that held his heart in their hands had systematically ripped it to shreds and didn’t give a damn that he had done so.

 

Like all else, it began slowly.

 

It started in the week before he left for the bigger city. He started to pull away, but he always did that when things were threatened. It wasn’t as if he was ignored, but he wasn’t as open as he normally was.

 

After the move he had tried to call just to let the other man know he had made it okay. He knew that the normal ‘couple’ crap didn’t always go over too good with him, but he wanted to make sure he knew anyways.

 

That phone call lasted long enough for him to say he had gotten to his apartment. The other man said nothing but okay and right before he heard nothing else he heard people laughing in the background.

 

He hadn’t waited for him to even settle in before moving on with his life. It was like he didn’t care. He wasn’t there, so it didn’t matter what the hell he did anymore. He never had anyone to answer to to begin with and now that he was long gone he was free once again.

 

The weeks that followed were so tiring that he could do little more than text when walking to and from the subway, and even those weren’t all answered.

 

In those weeks it didn’t bother him too much, because they were both so busy with getting things set right but then when he started asking about a visit home or here…it was nothing.

 

He got nothing for the first few days and then a response came, but not what he had wanted to hear.

 

**Things are busy right now. Maybe in a few weeks.**

That was it. Nothing to read between the lines for…because there was nothing hidden for him. There was no love there. There were no feelings tucked away for him to take pleasure in.

 

And it was then that he should have realized that everything had changed for him.

 

*~*~*~*

 

Calling his mom had never been a hard thing to do. Even after he had to move out, he always had a soft spot for her. When he moved it wasn’t a strange thing for him to call her twice a day, just to hear her voice.

 

She had always been one of the ones to push for him to branch out and spread his wings. With all the talent he had, why waste it in a city that couldn’t appreciate it like they should. She had been right there when he had made the final decision, and she had been over the moon when she heard.

 

So, it truly shocked him when she started pulling away too.

 

Like with his lover, it all began so slowly that he hadn’t seen it till it was too late. His calls were not answered…texts where probably deleted…voicemails not listened to.

 

With all the love that he had for her, it was just another wound in his already weak and broken heart.

 

*~*~*~*

 

He had been so alone for so long, that when someone finally reached out to him he was shocked.

 

How was he supposed to act around this person that had all but forgotten about him? What was he going to say to them?

 

But, none of that mattered in the end.

 

He was shocked when his friend, or who was once his friend, laid into him for things that he had ‘done’…things he had ‘said’…things he had ‘written’.

 

He stood in astonishment.

 

Everything was hurting so much. It was piling up and there was no one there to help relieve the burden of all the pain. The blows that were raining down on him weren’t being stopped or pushed back.

 

He had been a victim again, but this time he didn’t fight back. He didn’t correct anything that was being said. Didn’t stop the diatribe that was obviously well planned in advance.

 

With nothing to say his ‘friend’ had turned and walked away.

 

And he was alone in this pain that was consuming him…robbing him of his sanity…reminding him that there was no one there for him.

 

*~*~*~*

 

The only thing that protected him now was the constant supply of drugs he was able to get from some people he had met in his apartment building. They weren’t friends, but they were always there when he needed them.

 

The drugs helped so much, they covered all the pain he was in. they dulled the memories he had of those in his past. They kept the nightmares at bay when he tried to sleep.

 

He was alone…so alone…but, he had his dreams and his drugs and sometimes he could even imagine the life he should have had.

 

Sometimes if the drugs were good enough he could feel the caresses given to him by the one he had loved…the one he still loved to this day. If they drugs were strong enough he would lose himself in those memories that threatened to drown him every single ‘free’ moment.

 

*~*~*~*

 

So here he was…alone…drugged out of his mind…knowing that he needed the end now…and he wondered if they loved him at all?

 

Did they? Could they?

 

Because he still loved them. Still carried them in his heart, even with the betrayal of leaving him alone.


End file.
